Saturday, March 5, 2011

Snow Day

That morning you came down the stairs dressed all in white to meet the day, softly, regal. All the neighborhood boys stood stoic in lines across the battlefield—sentinels in snowpants, they wage a war in your honor. Snowballs are exchanged with the severity of bullets. In that moment you understood two crucial things:

1) men love the illusion of reward and

2) the day is yours, it snowed for you alone.


10 years on and you come down the stairs the same way, still soft, still regal—now naked. While I sifted through the closet for the shovel, you wrapped yourself in the expensive white coat I bought you downtown. I understood when I looked back at the stairs, you watching me, sideways, with cheeks pressed against the fake fur lining, nodding your approval.

The days are yours, it snows for you alone.

An Open Letter To Mssrs. Beck, O'Reilly, Limbaugh, and Hannity

Whether an Oklahoma farmer or a New York gentrifier y’all know what I’m talking about. Sign this shit with me…


Culture War?

You cannot call something a war if only one side is fighting. Mores the pity; you’re still losing.

We’re the counter-counter-counter culture. The youth aren’t rebelling anymore. We’re over it.

Don’t worry; white people are en vogue again. It’s a simple formula of W.P. + expensive ethnic restaurants x designer clothes that look trashy, which = no social responsibility. You can only hate us, really, when we write atrocious books about culture wars.

Here’s some honest advice from the common, industrious folks of Real America:

Shut The Fuck Up.

Leave wars to the poets, we’re already in the trenches.


Yes, on occasion, we may not flight clean,

but we ALWAYS clean up after ourselves.


Sincerely,

Friday, February 4, 2011

Jenny Christine- Mamma Who Bore Me- Spring Awakening


It was a song I have wanted to perform ever since I heard the song driving down the road in my car and fell in love. About 5 years later, I am performing it at the BloomBars Theatre Cabaret, the first ever performance concert that BloomBars has put on. Thanks to Don Mike Mendoza for the invitation to perform.

Jenny Christine- Stranger to the Rain- Children of Eden

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Reconstructing The Trampoline

Reconstructing the Trampoline

My best friend was a compulsive liar, her grandparents owned a trampoline. Whenever I describe Heather to other people those are the two essential facts I keep in mind. That is all the information anyone really needs. The rest of the narrative might supply some minor details which only serve to flesh out their overall construction of her. I can now accurately predict the moment, usually early on, when the corner of their mouth curls slightly at the edge in suppressed triumph as they finish building her image in their mind. They may have an exaggerated version of Heather, filtered through my perspective, but at least the point has been made, and my storytelling duties are fulfilled. Paranoid that I might forget, I’m driven to repeat the phrases over and over, as a mantra, as a sort of mnemonic device in the course of conversation. Otherwise, I just might leave those details out. The notion though that I will forget is slightly more than ridiculous because, really, I know I never will.

I don’t believe I’m alone in this. When someone else makes a dramatic impression on us in a relatively short amount of time, we hold on tightly to the shadow we have. Even if our impressions were false, we keep them immutable in our minds for years, sometimes forever. So my best friend was a compulsive liar, her grandparents owned a trampoline. That’s all I can surely remember about her. All the rest is simply auxiliary. No one really needs to know the gruesome details. The trampoline is enough.

We were both sprawled out on the surface, panting from an intense half-hour jumping competition. The black mesh had cooled considerably with the onset of evening. The radio, propped up in the garage window, had horrible reception, bad enough that the songs were often interrupted by strange static-y lines. They sounded like garbled messages from something extraterrestrial, something supernatural.

Heather, victorious, rolled on her side laughing and repeating, “oh my god you suck,”

“Shut up,” I countered, offended, “you’re really mean sometimes, you know that?”

She laughed even harder, but suddenly became a bit cryptic, “oh my god, it’s too much. I need to leave. I just really need to get out of here.”

Ignoring her, I asked, “so what happened with Angela and Danny Ricci? You never actually said”

“Angela blew him in the P.E. supply shed”

“Stop lying”

“I’m not lying,” she said, matter of fact, as she sat upright, and examined her thumbnail.

“Well that’s disgusting.”

“You’re just jealous.”

“No I’m not, that’s gross, he’s way too old for her. What was he doing around our school anyway? Such a creeper.”

“Um…Danny Ricci is the shit, he knows how to party, and, frankly, he has a car. He’s coming to pick me up soon by the way. I’ll send him your love,” she deadpanned.

“You’ve got to be kidding, it’s a school night,” I was suddenly interrupted by the jarring honk from the Jeep pulling up in front of the garage. Heather, vindicated, slid to the edge of the trampoline, bounced off gracefully, and gathered her shoes.

“Don’t be a prude. You really need to lighten up, and stop being so…predictable.”

“Come on, seriously, listen to me. This is a shitty idea.”

“I’m over it,” she said as she reached the edge of the garage and gestured around her with rolling eyes, “I’m over all of this. I have to go.”

“This is so messed up, what if you don’t come back?” I challenged.

“What if I don’t want to?” she threw back a cruel smirk as she walked, measured and regal, toward the driveway.

“Stop lying”

At which she stopped and turned around completely, glaring at me with an expression that has since been emblazoned in my mind, one I’ve never quite been able to completely decipher. Danny honked yet again, lingering on the horn to show his impatience. Then she said, finally, forcefully, “I’m not.”

After she left I stayed for a few minutes, bouncing half-heartedly along the outer ring of the springs. I still believed, even then, that we would spend every day this way, trading gritty tales of our classmates in between minutes spent in motion. She never said to leave, but, eventually, I gave in and went home for dinner.

By this point, the problem of Heather’s story is probably evident. No one may know the exact circumstances at first, but they figured her story out at sentence one. We’ve all heard this morality tale before, right? Bad Girl Goes Off With Older Boy For Reckless Fun And THIS Is What Happens. If I took some license with details, played around with the tenses, maybe Heather would present more of an obstacle to the casual acquaintance, but would that not mark a certain betrayal? My best friend was a compulsive liar, but now she’s dead, and the trampoline is gone.

Or, at least, it should be gone.

Sometimes the ghosts you hear in the static are liars.

On my way home for dinner I felt oddly inclined to look back over her grandparent’s fence at the corner. It was the first time I’d checked in years. From under my hood, which shielded me from the thick rain, I actually saw the trampoline, right in the place it was before. Incredibly difficult to distinguish in the gloom, but it was definitely there, and then I could see a figure atop it as well. I leaned over the fence to determine who it was, and then she looked up.

SM Dec 2010

Like Ronald Reagan

I’m a great actor like Ronald Reagan

I’m a good liar like Ronald Reagan

I say no to drugs like Ronald Reagan

I tear down walls like Ronald Reagan

I trickle down to the poor (Promise!) like Ronald Reagan

I pop jelly beans like Ronald Reagan

I sell guns with dark purpose like Ronald Reagan

Then, oh the irony, I get shot like Ronald Reagan

But, a tough bastard, I keep kickin like Ronald Reagan


My old friends still buy me Oatmeal Cream Pies

My old friends always make me feel guilty

My old friends hold audience in my conscious and

My old friends inform too many of my decisions

(Because really my old friends are prudes)

My old friends often warn me about the risks of alcoholism

My old friends don’t share in my progressive politics

My old friends are removed by geography and estranged by lifestyle


The problem with my poetry is that it’s sexually ambiguous

The problem with my poetry is that its informed by crazy, old, women writers and rap music

The problem with my poetry is that nobody gets it

The problem with my poetry is that it uses adjectives as crutches

The problem with my poetry is that it sounds like a Perez Hilton Blog

The problem with my poetry is that I am (in fact) not black—shhhh

The problem with my poetry is that I steal style from minorities without giving them agency


White people love me like Ronald Reagan but

The problem with my poetry is it don’t pay for bread or alimony

My old friends and I got divorced but still exchange cards at Christmas


The problem with my poetry is that the words, strung out and shaking like drug addicts, wear the faces of Ronald Reagan and my old friends, hold hands like fragile paper dolls in rings around my bed.

SM Jan 2010

Monday, December 20, 2010

That Infamous Meadow




Sophie lay on her blanket in a secluded meadow formed by a clearing in the trees. Since she had accidentally stumbled upon it years ago, the meadow had been her own private treasure. Her school in the dreary city was too far away for quick visits, and today marked the first time she’d been able to return since starting college, but only after, of course, her mother had decided that she completed her daily “summer chores” to satisfaction. The weather was warm, humid, and Sophie found it difficult to stay awake with the lullaby hum of the cicadas. The ground, warmed by the sun, made her spot surprisingly comfortable. The peace this meadow afforded her, this withdrawal from her hectic life and overbearing mother, was so sudden that it brought her to tears. Feeling foolish, she wiped them away and dismissed such nonsensical thoughts. Within a matter of minutes, the book she was holding, her worn copy of Jane Eyre, had slipped out her hands and her eyes closed to slits.

At the moment she was closest to sleep, Sophie heard a large crashing in the undergrowth. Without warning, a man strode into the meadow. He was quite imposing, well built and wearing all black: black jeans, black v-neck, black ray-bans.

Sophie sat bold upright in fear, “Um, excuse me?”

“Oh sorry, didn’t see you there.”

“What are you doing?”

“Me? I always come to this spot when I want a good place to read,” he motioned from the thick book in his hands to Jane Eyre, “you know its peaceful, isolated…I’m surprised to find someone else here actually”

“Yep, me too…so, uh…”

“Pardon me, I haven’t said. My name is Dezi,”

“Sophie” she nodded her head curtly. She sized up her strange companion and wondered what his background could possibly be. He did look to be about the same age as her, maybe mid-20s at most. The name was probably short for something, although she couldn’t guess what. He looked vaguely Greek, or at least Mediterranean, with a dark tan and thick black hair, kept short, but hinting at curls.

“Well Sophie, it is a pleasure to meet you. Would it be okay with you if I just read silently over here?”

“Free country,” she rolled her eyes while he seated himself on a tree stump several feet away. He kept his sunglasses on while reading. After a few minutes of indecision, she picked up her own book, brought it up in front of her eyes, and began loudly flipping the pages, hoping to hint at her annoyance. Eventually her curiosity overcame her decision to ignore him.

“ Are you from, like, around here?”

“Oh yeah, I live really close by. Been here all my life.”

“Really? I’ve never seen you around. Where did you go to school?”

He looked her over for a few seconds before responding, “It’s no wonder you haven’t seen me around school. I’m much older than you.”

Sophie became unsure of her earlier observations, “you don’t look it. How old are you?”

He flashed a smile and responded with the same question, “How old are you?”

Flustered by the strange reply, Sophie could only think of an old-school phrase her mother often used, “it’s the lady’s prerogative not to reveal her age,” and said it aloud before she even recognized she had.

His smile grew even larger and he spoke in an affected British accent, “well it’s the gentleman’s imperative to respect the lady’s request, but also within his purview to not reveal his age as well.”

“Stop it. You’re making fun of me.”

He held out his thumb and index, close together, and teasingly replied, “Just a little bit.” Sophie smiled despite herself, and decided to let the matter go. Though still unnerved by his presence, she gave him the benefit of doubt and returned to her reading.

She had read little more than a paragraph when he broke the silence again, “ How do you find Ms. Brontë?”

“What?” a bit more harshly than she intended

“I said, how do you find her work?” he pointed toward the book she held, “do you like it?”

“Oh…oh yes I love it, it’s my favorite.”

“How many times have you read it through?”

“This is my fifth or sixth time, I think. Why do you ask?”

“Well I’m glad you’re well familiar with it. I have somewhat of a strange hypothesis about that book. Maybe you’ll agree.”

“Which is…?” she prompted, eyebrows raised. Although the conversation was awkward and stilted, such comments did make him seem intelligent. Sophie felt he must have been prompted by loneliness, or even a lack of well-cultured conversation in his daily routine, and she decided to humor him.

“Jane Eyre is in love with death.”

“Wait, what? That doesn’t make any…”

He cut her off, “think about it, all of the classical literary heroines are. Think of like, Antigone, Juliet, Scheherazade, even Nancy Drew,” he chuckled at her disbelieving scowl, “come on, I mean what is she doing shacking up with a mysterious rich guy who lives in a creepy mansion and locked his first wife in the attic?”

Sophie, now indignant, retorted, “Yeah, but it’s not like Mr. Rochester’s going to murder her.”

“True, true…so I guess when I mean by ‘loving death’ is not so much a death-wish, but a compulsion, a force totally outside of themselves, some dark urge…toward whatever end.”

Taken aback, Sophie reviewed the bizarre exchange in her mind, looking for some point of defense. When she finally thought of something, she gleamed in triumph and shuffled a bit closer, still sitting, with pointed finger to accentuate her point.

“Not Scheherazade.”

“What?”

“You heard me. You gave me four examples of ‘ladies in love with death’ or whatever, but Scheherazade doesn’t work. So your hypothesis isn’t very universal.”

It was his turn to look incredulous, “you think so?”

“I know so. I’m not a world literature major for nothing. The whole point of the tales in the Arabian Nights was to distract the king from killing her,” she laughed at her cleverness, “bitch wanted to live!”

“Yeah? And what about you?” he retorted, “Ms. World Literature, are you smart enough or powerful enough to resist death like Scheherazade?” The tone of his voice dropped and Sophie could almost hear a faint echo, as if his dramatic tone had empowered the syllables to reverberate in her ear. She swallowed and the ringing stopped.

“Yes,” she answered quietly, looking back over the line of trees toward where she imagined her house and her mother to be.

“I don’t believe you,” he teased.

“You don’t know me,” she turned back to him, serious, and locked eyes with his opposite, still mirrored by shades, “I would fight. I would fight death to the end, and beyond.”

He looked at her thoughtfully for a few minutes and then broke into deep laughter, “maybe I underestimated you Sophie.”

Bolstered by his admission, she drew even closer, “what book are you reading?”

He ignored her question. A shadow rolled across the meadow as clouds obscured the sun. Sophie realized that she was far closer to him than she thought. Her blanket lay crumpled behind her. The ground beneath had hardened, and she shivered from the sudden cold. Dezi took off his sunglasses and looked down directly. She found that she could not look away. His eyes were a deep gold flecked with black, intensely, unnaturally bright, gleaming like coins. Sophie knew she was close enough now, too close, and then she felt a curious sensation. She was merging into his eyes. Her skin was melting, pouring trough the membrane and forming shiny pools within his iris. As suddenly as it had begun, the connection was severed. He looked away, put his sunglasses on right before the clouds rolled back to allow sun on the meadow. Sophie felt dazed. She put a hand to her head, rubbing her temples while he reached into his pocket, and took out a small plastic bag filled with bright red seeds.

He smiled widely once again. It was so self-assured it made her nervous. “Would you like some pomegranate seeds? They’re delicious, very refreshing.”

Sophie automatically extended her hand to receive them. But a nagging doubt persisted at the back of her mind. She pictured her mother, arms sternly splayed on her hips, staring out the back door in the muggy twilight toward the hills and the meadow. She would wait for her daughter all night if need be, if only to berate her thoughtlessness.

Before he could release the handful of seeds into her palm, Sophie clenched it into a fist and cautioned, “but only a few.” Slowly she reopened her hand. Dezi brought his face close and slowly dropped five seeds into it, one by one, as he moved across, kissing each fingertip.

SM DEC 2010