Monday, December 20, 2010

That Infamous Meadow




Sophie lay on her blanket in a secluded meadow formed by a clearing in the trees. Since she had accidentally stumbled upon it years ago, the meadow had been her own private treasure. Her school in the dreary city was too far away for quick visits, and today marked the first time she’d been able to return since starting college, but only after, of course, her mother had decided that she completed her daily “summer chores” to satisfaction. The weather was warm, humid, and Sophie found it difficult to stay awake with the lullaby hum of the cicadas. The ground, warmed by the sun, made her spot surprisingly comfortable. The peace this meadow afforded her, this withdrawal from her hectic life and overbearing mother, was so sudden that it brought her to tears. Feeling foolish, she wiped them away and dismissed such nonsensical thoughts. Within a matter of minutes, the book she was holding, her worn copy of Jane Eyre, had slipped out her hands and her eyes closed to slits.

At the moment she was closest to sleep, Sophie heard a large crashing in the undergrowth. Without warning, a man strode into the meadow. He was quite imposing, well built and wearing all black: black jeans, black v-neck, black ray-bans.

Sophie sat bold upright in fear, “Um, excuse me?”

“Oh sorry, didn’t see you there.”

“What are you doing?”

“Me? I always come to this spot when I want a good place to read,” he motioned from the thick book in his hands to Jane Eyre, “you know its peaceful, isolated…I’m surprised to find someone else here actually”

“Yep, me too…so, uh…”

“Pardon me, I haven’t said. My name is Dezi,”

“Sophie” she nodded her head curtly. She sized up her strange companion and wondered what his background could possibly be. He did look to be about the same age as her, maybe mid-20s at most. The name was probably short for something, although she couldn’t guess what. He looked vaguely Greek, or at least Mediterranean, with a dark tan and thick black hair, kept short, but hinting at curls.

“Well Sophie, it is a pleasure to meet you. Would it be okay with you if I just read silently over here?”

“Free country,” she rolled her eyes while he seated himself on a tree stump several feet away. He kept his sunglasses on while reading. After a few minutes of indecision, she picked up her own book, brought it up in front of her eyes, and began loudly flipping the pages, hoping to hint at her annoyance. Eventually her curiosity overcame her decision to ignore him.

“ Are you from, like, around here?”

“Oh yeah, I live really close by. Been here all my life.”

“Really? I’ve never seen you around. Where did you go to school?”

He looked her over for a few seconds before responding, “It’s no wonder you haven’t seen me around school. I’m much older than you.”

Sophie became unsure of her earlier observations, “you don’t look it. How old are you?”

He flashed a smile and responded with the same question, “How old are you?”

Flustered by the strange reply, Sophie could only think of an old-school phrase her mother often used, “it’s the lady’s prerogative not to reveal her age,” and said it aloud before she even recognized she had.

His smile grew even larger and he spoke in an affected British accent, “well it’s the gentleman’s imperative to respect the lady’s request, but also within his purview to not reveal his age as well.”

“Stop it. You’re making fun of me.”

He held out his thumb and index, close together, and teasingly replied, “Just a little bit.” Sophie smiled despite herself, and decided to let the matter go. Though still unnerved by his presence, she gave him the benefit of doubt and returned to her reading.

She had read little more than a paragraph when he broke the silence again, “ How do you find Ms. Brontë?”

“What?” a bit more harshly than she intended

“I said, how do you find her work?” he pointed toward the book she held, “do you like it?”

“Oh…oh yes I love it, it’s my favorite.”

“How many times have you read it through?”

“This is my fifth or sixth time, I think. Why do you ask?”

“Well I’m glad you’re well familiar with it. I have somewhat of a strange hypothesis about that book. Maybe you’ll agree.”

“Which is…?” she prompted, eyebrows raised. Although the conversation was awkward and stilted, such comments did make him seem intelligent. Sophie felt he must have been prompted by loneliness, or even a lack of well-cultured conversation in his daily routine, and she decided to humor him.

“Jane Eyre is in love with death.”

“Wait, what? That doesn’t make any…”

He cut her off, “think about it, all of the classical literary heroines are. Think of like, Antigone, Juliet, Scheherazade, even Nancy Drew,” he chuckled at her disbelieving scowl, “come on, I mean what is she doing shacking up with a mysterious rich guy who lives in a creepy mansion and locked his first wife in the attic?”

Sophie, now indignant, retorted, “Yeah, but it’s not like Mr. Rochester’s going to murder her.”

“True, true…so I guess when I mean by ‘loving death’ is not so much a death-wish, but a compulsion, a force totally outside of themselves, some dark urge…toward whatever end.”

Taken aback, Sophie reviewed the bizarre exchange in her mind, looking for some point of defense. When she finally thought of something, she gleamed in triumph and shuffled a bit closer, still sitting, with pointed finger to accentuate her point.

“Not Scheherazade.”

“What?”

“You heard me. You gave me four examples of ‘ladies in love with death’ or whatever, but Scheherazade doesn’t work. So your hypothesis isn’t very universal.”

It was his turn to look incredulous, “you think so?”

“I know so. I’m not a world literature major for nothing. The whole point of the tales in the Arabian Nights was to distract the king from killing her,” she laughed at her cleverness, “bitch wanted to live!”

“Yeah? And what about you?” he retorted, “Ms. World Literature, are you smart enough or powerful enough to resist death like Scheherazade?” The tone of his voice dropped and Sophie could almost hear a faint echo, as if his dramatic tone had empowered the syllables to reverberate in her ear. She swallowed and the ringing stopped.

“Yes,” she answered quietly, looking back over the line of trees toward where she imagined her house and her mother to be.

“I don’t believe you,” he teased.

“You don’t know me,” she turned back to him, serious, and locked eyes with his opposite, still mirrored by shades, “I would fight. I would fight death to the end, and beyond.”

He looked at her thoughtfully for a few minutes and then broke into deep laughter, “maybe I underestimated you Sophie.”

Bolstered by his admission, she drew even closer, “what book are you reading?”

He ignored her question. A shadow rolled across the meadow as clouds obscured the sun. Sophie realized that she was far closer to him than she thought. Her blanket lay crumpled behind her. The ground beneath had hardened, and she shivered from the sudden cold. Dezi took off his sunglasses and looked down directly. She found that she could not look away. His eyes were a deep gold flecked with black, intensely, unnaturally bright, gleaming like coins. Sophie knew she was close enough now, too close, and then she felt a curious sensation. She was merging into his eyes. Her skin was melting, pouring trough the membrane and forming shiny pools within his iris. As suddenly as it had begun, the connection was severed. He looked away, put his sunglasses on right before the clouds rolled back to allow sun on the meadow. Sophie felt dazed. She put a hand to her head, rubbing her temples while he reached into his pocket, and took out a small plastic bag filled with bright red seeds.

He smiled widely once again. It was so self-assured it made her nervous. “Would you like some pomegranate seeds? They’re delicious, very refreshing.”

Sophie automatically extended her hand to receive them. But a nagging doubt persisted at the back of her mind. She pictured her mother, arms sternly splayed on her hips, staring out the back door in the muggy twilight toward the hills and the meadow. She would wait for her daughter all night if need be, if only to berate her thoughtlessness.

Before he could release the handful of seeds into her palm, Sophie clenched it into a fist and cautioned, “but only a few.” Slowly she reopened her hand. Dezi brought his face close and slowly dropped five seeds into it, one by one, as he moved across, kissing each fingertip.

SM DEC 2010

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Ghost

Ghost,

you cannot just stumble in and out of our lives at random

knocking into everything and wailing loudly

like some alcoholic

there are rules there are boundaries

you died already

and the dead don’t get the luxury

of second chances the dead are passed by in the street

without any acknowledgment of their presence

SM Nov 2010

Battleships (Inspired by Drawing Restraint 9* by Matthew Barney)


Silly boy, when eyes smolder with a volley of canon fire

they are meant to inflict damage.

Don’t declare war against a superpower.

My ship was docked in the bedside candle,

I set it alight.

At sea I am the captain, and God, and the consuming forces of imperialism—

I don’t just meet people, I conquer them,

colonize their wills and dress them in Victorian clothes,

so when the leak springs in the hull they will be forced to peel

off every single layer.

You will pile all decoration at my feet as an offering,

kneel with open arms to receive judgment.


B7?…No D10?…No F4?...yes F3?...yes F2?...yes F1?...damn, you sunk my battleship


You don’t just meet people, you conquer them.

At sea I am vulnerable, and pray to your God for deliverance. I am afraid

there will be no end to our subtle warfare,

come candlewax or high water

You light the candle to set the mood,

kiss me too roughly, grope for strings to pull my corseted lungs tight

and call the gasps sexual excitement.


Try to shrug me off but I will keep clutching,

hold you close as the water rushes in.

SM Nov 2010

The Three Fates (With All Due Respect to Mrs. Spears)

Pass the eye from her to me to him to her to him again, and then me,

always me.

Me and her and him we have the gift of sight—

we have 3.

There is solidarity, there is power,

and there is love;

there is mad-love in 3,

charges and tides and cults of personality.


3 is sexy…

but it is no commodity.

as some pop stars would have you believe.

Britney, as always, puts it best:

Everybody loves counting, oh yes.

Bride and groom and me in between

finger to finger,

thread and scissor—CUT


No please don’t cut the cord yet,

don’t betray our 3,

don’t pimp our love in your videos Britney.

Pass the eye to him and her, then back to me, next her then him then him,

always him,

then me.


Hold the thread with one hand,

clasp mine with the other,

and we will banish

even the thought of separation.

1, 2, 3

SM Spring 2010

Desert Sun

I swear that every year when it gets cold, my mother’s hands begin to resemble crocodile skin. Their smooth pale surface cracks into little red ridges, that connect and cross down her fingers in grid-like patterns, running down to the scabs that wreath her fingernails. Everywhere the skin has been stretched taunt and peeled too far back by the cold, as if even the temperature was intent on wrecking violence upon her. She complains every day as she applies her extra strength hand lotion, “goddamn Midwestern winters.”


Each time I witness her ritual I ask, “why don’t you move to the Southwest?” She laughs, usually responds with something along the lines of, “oh no, over there its dry heat, even worse on my poor hands.” I wonder if she understands that when I tell her to move I don’t mean it for the health of her hands. If she does notice, she always dismisses the insinuation.


This last time, still rubbing lotion, she had wandered into the living room to see what I was watching, and after our usual exchange a peculiar commercial started. We both paused and turned to watch while the voice-over boomed: “tired of those Midwestern winters? Well here’s the solution! Move on out to the sunny Southwest where that desert sun dances right above your head and keeps all that snow-related sadness far away. No depression can hide under this glare baby! We see absolutely everything here.”


I muted the television. We were both silent. My mother stared off into space, eyes unfocused, rubbing her hands together. Then she shook her head, as if to break away her thoughts from a weighted chain, and walked back down the hallway.

SM Nov 2010


Superman's Dead

This piece was born out of a little challenge I set for myself. After putting my iPod on shuffle and getting a page worth of song, artist and album names, I wanted to make a cohesive poem that used as many references as possible. Although the final product is considerably shorter than it began, you may still be surprised by the amount of references I was able to fit in.

It feels good to know you’re mine. Now drive me far away.

I don’t care where,

just far away.


Im freely sipping the best coffee this side of I-don’t-care-where-just-far,

a retro-fabulous diner, Nighthawks vibe,

feels so da da da dun, da dun da da.

Just another day,

which is to say that Time has become inconsequential,

I outlasted her—tough ol’ bitch.


Now who is Queen of England? The Sultan of Swing? The Keeper of Gramercy Park?

I am everything to anything left over,

lord and master wherever I may wonder.

My cup is overfull but never runs,

it did boil once—one of those “catastrophes”—

with violins and tears and fears and that tired-dire-end-of-this-mad-world.

But never fear, Everlast, is here! Single-handedly

SAVED THE WORLD, and preserved it in this comic book,

like some crazy Dorian-Gray-role-reversal-bullshit-whatever.


Can you explain to me how, you’re so evil, how?

It’s too late for me now, there’s a hole in the earth,

I’m out.


Jagged little pills aren’t helping:

The nosebleeds came more often,

until the blood just didn’t stop flowing.

I run my fingers through stringy black hair,

it falls away in clumps,

reveals a desert-head beneath,

a landscape worthy of O’ Keefe,

dry and cracked and itchy,

parabola above and the parabol underneath,

a fiery sunburn under the skin, tough ol’ bitch.

No reason for alarm or panic! at the disco

I am as permanent as a painting,

and the glow I radiate is so bright…

Stronger, even, than the Dime Jukebox in the corner,

playing the Last-Song-Ever

A catchy tune,

sad though, ironically stoic,

like statues left without audience or caretaker.

Monolithic, imbued with the sense of a grand gesture

unfulfilled.

SM Winter 2009-2010

13 Ways of Looking at the Party (inspired by "Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird" by Wallace Stevens)

So we turn up the music to snub the solemn towers passing judgment.

Don’t dare contextualize us with your cheap party clichés.


Un-obscured vision is an ailment best cured with this holy cup.

Intoxication will blur the party and reality,

cheers!


As always, I take my place in the center of things and hold court.

I demand proper party etiquette from the drunks; rituals must be observed.


Jesus, We have the same name! Kind of, not really, but you’ll see it in the translation…

--That’s brilliant, that’s perfect, meeting you here, at this party, on this terrace.


Well if I could truly commit, I honestly believe she would love me less.

Jealous rages are magic for our sex life,

The party prologues our dizzy romance.


No one at the party knows it’s the anger I sweat out,

in bullets, appropriately enough, reloading

with each slurred manifesto—well I can preach too: alcohol turns

even the most profound into raging douchebags


She will find me a rival and equal to any man. Especially her man. Or maybe her friend’s man.

I’m an American, I’m free to party, fuck your towers,

its not cheating if no one finds out.

It will be Yankee doddle dandy baby.


It’s just too loud, and what if the cops come, you know? They would come. Well, the noise and the music on the terrace, you know? Terraces are very public places. I think we should leave, like, right now. It’s been fun but, but what about the cops? You don’t understand, I will literally be disowned…


I often wonder if I could seduce the policemen who arrive to break-up parties.


Parties, like religious gatherings and one-night stands, reach a perceptible apex,

then quickly decline; it’s noticed by all, but rarely commented on.


Let’s escape then, let’s make moves, let’s go to St. Marks, I’m belligerent enough

another hour of fun. Then let us begin again, another party, another terrace.

It never has to end.


Chronicles of parties are epic tales in their own right, in a certain context.


All I want is to feel outside of myself,

like anybody more interesting,

like someone who is famous or on drugs

or the absolute life of the party.

I didn’t get invited.

SM Nov 2010